mother...

hey guys!! first of all, jangan terkejut ye sebab aku post entry nie. i am using my mother's blog since i don't have one. sebab ape aku tetiba rajin nak menulis nie adalah kerana bebaru nie kan kita de sambut mother's day. well, banyak yang cakap sambutan tu haram, de yang cakap boleh sambut. For me, semua tu bergantung pada kepercayaan diri sendiri. lagipun, setiap hari kita celebrate mother's day kan??. So, the reason why aku tulis benda alah nie sebab aku nak share dengan korang pasal mak-mak aku. jangan terkejut ye. ayah aku tak amalkan poligami. hehehe... mak-mak aku tu mewakili makcik-makcik aku. ibu aku ade 9 orang adik beradik. ( nenek aku subur, sebab tu ramai anak ) 4 lelaki, 5 perempuan. yang 5 perempuan nie la mak-mak aku. kalau di kira, aku ade 7 ibu. jangan pelik..  5 orang adik beradik + nenek aku + bini pakcik aku. semua skali 7 orang. sebelum aku cerita pasal yang lain, aku nak nak cerita pasal ibu kandung aku. Dr.Norrashidah Hj Abdul Wahab. mungkin ramai yang da tahu, ibu aku meninggal dunia tahun lepas. mane yang tak tahu tu, kalau da tahu, diam-diam.. hehehe... entry nie bukan nak sedey-sedey ek..  ibu aku anak ke 7 dari 9 org adik beradik. my mom keje sebagai doktor di Hospital Serdang. she is not just a doctor but an excellent doctor. pernah la jugak aku tanya nape ibu nak jadi doktor. my mom cakap sebab dia nak tolong orang and make people happy.  sweet kan??? hehehehe.... my mom is a very special women. ibu aku tak pernah anggap dugaan yang tuhan bagi kat dia sebagai beban. ibu selalu cakap, masing-masing ade bahagian masing-masing. kita kene terima dan doa banyak2.aku rasa tak ramai orang yang macam tu. aku ingat lagi, time result SPM aku teruk giler2, aku rasa down tahap dewa la kan. yela. kakak aku pandai, aku hampeh. ibu aku cakap kat aku ,"  Ana, if you listen to Ibu, I am very sure that you will be successful in your future. Don't under estimate your specialty and talent. I know you have that potential in you, it is just a matter whether you realize it early or late. If you don't, you have to face it with courage and positive thought and remember Allah is always with you. You will determine your future. You have to learn to "tadbir" and Allah will fulfill your wish as you asked for. Tuhan yang maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang." sayu je aku dengar dia cakap mcm nie. She always believe in me. ibu aku ade pendirian dia sendiri dalam mendidik anak-anak dan cara menguruskan keluarga. lain orang, lain cara nya. my  is an excellent doctor and i am not lying. aku cakap mcm nie bukan sebab dia mak aku tapi hakikat. sejak aku belajar kt KPTM KL, aku selalu la lunch dengan ibu aku kt hospital serdang. tapi selalu nye aku makan sorang2 sebab ibu aku sibuk layan patients and she never complain about it. kadang-kadang tu tak lunch langsung. ibu aku cakap, buat keje biar ikhlas. She love her job so much sampai kan dia patah kaki pun, dia sanggup datang naek wheel chair, pakai tongkat and stayed  kt ofis sampai pukul 11 malam. yet, she never complain sebab dia buat keje tak mengharapkan balasan. tu ibu aku. aku tak buat cerita, benda nie benar-benar kejadian sebab aku yg tukang tolak dia tetiap hari. sedih bila aku baca wall senior-senior aku yang da jadi doctor nie complain pasal keje, pasal patients, pasal on-call. aku mungkin tak faham keje doctor mcm mane. mungkin betul la kot keje diaorg susah.tapi kenapa nak jadi doctor kalau tak nak keje banyak? hehehe... ( jangan sentap ek.. ) ibu aku penah kene saman, surat layang, di fitnah and macam2 lagi la. try baca blog dia nie, u guys akan faham. tapi ibu aku chill je. dia cakap, jangan buat keje, mengharapkan balasan. orang tak suka, kita diam. orang suka, kita senyum. penah la aku tanya kan tak bosan ke jadi doktor nie, asyik kene marah dengan patients je. ibu aku cakap " orang datang mintak tolong, kita bantu. kalau dia tak suka, kita diam. lagipun, i am the doctor. his life is in my hand. hehehehe ." evil giler kan mak aku. hehehe... Ya Allah, i miss her so much.. ( ter sedey lak pulak ) tu la serba sedikit pasal ibu ak ( sikit ke?? ) yang kedua lak pasal nenek aku. dari kecik, aku memang dudk dengan nenek aku. mak aku keje kt johor. balik hujung minggu je. nenek aku nie memang orang minang sejati sebab kehidupan family aku memang penuh dengan adat. kalau tak ikut adat, she will kill u. nenek aku nie power kot. pe yg dia cakp, semua orang ikut. adat perpatih kan melebihkan anak perempuan, so orang perempuan lagi berkuasa kot?? every weekend, semua family akan berkumpul di rumah lenggeng a.ka. umah kampung la org panggil..  ade la sekali tu, cousin ak tak balik dalam 2 minggu. mengamuk nenek aku. ade ke patut dia cakap cousin aku tu da lupa jalan balik.. menusuk kalbu giler statement dia..xpayah tunggu hujung minggu beb, petang tu jugak kete dia da terpacak depan umah wa cakap lu.. power kan??? tiap2 pagi sebelum aku pergi kelas, dia akan dok depan umah, konon2 la nak babai aku nanti. ( kau ade??? ) nenek aku meninggal tahun lepas jugak. sunyi je rumah nie bila dia takde.  sob..sob.. bila nenek pergi, hidup aku rasa kosong je. bila ibu pergi, dia bawak semangat aku sekali. sape sangkakan, umur aku 20 tahun, ibu aku tinggalkan aku. tapi mak-mak yang lain, diaorg nie la yang selalu support aku. mak aku yg pertama ialah mak pilah. mak pilah anak perempuan pertama. perangai dia memangla macam nenek aku. tengok dia, ingt nenek aku. tgk nenek aku, igt dia. setiap pagi dia akan datang umah lenggeng, mandikan atok aku. mak pilah tak pernah complain pun unutk ape yg dia buat. aku pun tak rasa aku mampu buat mcm yg dia buat untuk atok aku. mak aku yg kedua mak pucu. mak pucu dudk kt penang. dia jarang balik tapi dia aktif ber FB. so selalu la comment2 kat wall dia. mak pucu jenis suka giler bergosip. hehehehe... and dia sangat la clumsy. yang nie pon 99% nenek aku. mungkin dia kakak kot sebab tu banyak sangat tumpah kuah nenek aku. hehehhe.. mak aku yang ketiga mak mah. dia nie ceti bank pembangunan. kitaorg slalu panggil dia ustazah norbayah sebab keagamaan dia gak tinggi berbanding yang lain. hehehhe..( mata keatas, tangan di bahu ) aku respect sangat dengan dia sebab dia telah membuka pintu hati aku ( yg da lama tertutup ) supaya tak kira ape pun yang berlaku kt kita, satu benda je yg kita kene buat. berdoa. sebab bila kita berdoa, hati kita tenang, bila hati tenang, senang je hadapi semua tu( perhh!!! macam ustazah lak ) and betul kot. kadang2 diri kita nie perlu di ingtkan. mak aku yg ke empat mak ano. dia nie anak yg paling last sekali.dia sangat la gedix and drama queen. kalau dia karaoke, perh!!! lu dapat rasa perasaan dia beb!! hehehehe...menusuk kalbu!!  sejak ibu aku meninggal, aku ngan iya become her priority. kesian mak ano sebab yela. single, unmarried, tetiba dia kene jaga kitorg. she never complain but i know she miss ibu and nenek. we all do. mak aku yang last sekali ibumaktan. jangan di tanya kenapa panggil macam tu. aku malas nak citer. ibumaktan nie bini pakcik aku, abang kepada mak-mak aku. dia sama2 jaga aku time aku kecik dulu. selalu je lepak umah dia kt seremban 2. anak dia de kedai kek.. sedap kot ( tak puji, dia marah.. hehehe ) so, nie la serba banyak pasal mak-mak aku. hehehhee... awesome kan???? 

How to supervise HO or junior doctors - my perspective

We have heard about story about competency of doctors nowadays especially HO. As HOD, I can see a lot of differences between HOs today and HOs many years back. I think there are various factors involved that make that differences. I can list down a few factors that I think are relevant for the differences.

a. Many years ago, there were only a few established local universities were recognised to train medical students with enough lectures and facilities. Selected students will be sent overseas to study medicine in recognised universities. But now, anyone can go to any universities for political reasons even to the unrecognised universities. We are now looking more towards numbers rather than qualities. We can't really blame the students for not performing sometimes. When you asked them, they said that they didn't have any exposure in certain disciplines. Lectures used to be cancelled many times due to many reasons. Sometimes they have to learn on their own without guidance. They learned from videos rather than real patients. Well, technology does play an important role in learning but to become a doctor I feel that we have to learn from a real patients.

b. I agree that we need changes in life or education system if the need is there. But don't make those changes for the sake of making changes or based on political pressure. When we politicised education, it will bring the whole system down. If the education system is almost perfect to produce good doctors why we have to change to a terrible one. If the changes needed, it should be done slowly and not abruptly. The education system keep on changing before you can see the outcome from the previous changes. When the minister change, the system change regardless how good the system is. I felt that the new medical education system is making the medical students more a follower and memorizer rather than having a critical and analytical thinking process. Their way of thinking is very compartmentalised rather than generalised. Intergrated system doesn't seem to help them in connecting their knowledge toward disease and patient as a whole.

c. Student factors. There are two extreme conditions. Those who got 4 flat during exam, all of them wanted to become a doctor even though they have no interest. Sometimes they are being forced by their parents. The parents dictate what their children need. Those who didn't get 4 flat but wanted to be a doctor badly have to go to the other universities in overseas where the training was terrible. There were another group of students who are second grader, badly wanted to be a doctor, went to the cheapest and affordable universities abroad under their parents scholarship and manage to go through the medical school with difficulty. Another group of students from the private universities whom their parents are well to do and not on any scholarship, don't really bother what's going on. Social background also play an important factor in determining the product of the good doctors. Mental, physical and innerself strength are important for the medical students to have because as a doctor, stress is part of our life. From my observation, our junior doctors are very weak and fragile on top of having lack of knowledge and attitude problems.

HOs many years ago easily can be trained, most of them. There were faster learner. They can stand alone after one month of initial training. They were more proactive and ever willing to learn. No questions asked. There will be no parents or politician interference. Rarely you hear that consultants or specialists being threatened by parents for teaching their children to become a good doctors. Now it become fairly routine. Yesteryears HOs were more polite and respect their seniors and superiors. Again I must say most of them. Therefore, one year HO training is adequate for them to be a safe doctors. They managed to handle many patients at one time. At the end of their housemanship, you will be able to see their maturation and competency. Now, the HO training is extended to 2 years duration. They have to go through all the disciplines in medicine before they can go out and practice on their own. Some of them need more than 2 years. There are so many of them, out numbers the patients. They come from various universities that you never heard before. 2 patients under their care, they can't even remember.

I attended a few motivational talk given by well known motivators talking about how to train the HOs. Look who is talking. I just smile to myself. Most of these motivators, they have left the government service long time ago and they don't really have the experience of training the new breed of HOs the way I and my friends do. It is very tough. The things that they do, the mistake that they have done are beyond our imagination. "Bodoh sombong pun ada". Sometimes you really have to go into the basic of medicine as if you are teaching the third year medical students. Attitude problems another one to handle. The worse thing is, went they make mistake they have no regrets. No guilty feeling. Caring is not in their vocab. Politeness is too far to practice. Some of them have no insight. For me, if the young doctors are incompetent and willing to learn, I will go all out to teach them and make them competent. It is my responsibility to ensure they are safe and the patients are safe as well. I am willing to take that challenge and I will do it my own way. You have to be firm and consistent. As a teacher or supervisor to these junior doctors, our aim is to make sure that the quality of medical services are up to the standard. If your are fast learner, you will leave my department on schedule but if you are slow learner, you will be with us till you learned. I don't really care what people say.

Exam - really a tremendous pressure for students

Last month, May was the month of professional exam for fifth year medical student. I was involved in the exam for UIA and CUCMS students. It was a busy month for me. With my injury, I have to travel to Kuantan to fulfill my duty as examiner. My husband and my daughter, Ana accompanied me. I felt not safe for me to go by flight even though my knee injury was getting better. I could walk with one stick instead of crutches. It was really tiring to be the examiner for 3 full days from 8am to 5pm. However, the feeling of tiredness immediately disappeared when the students were able to answer the questions well. Most of the students performed well except for 4 of them. I guess that was a very good achievement. I was happy because my trip to Kuantan in my condition was rewarding. I am happy for the students and I hope they can become good HOs when they start working in a real patient and hospital environment. At the same time, I took the opportunity to bring my family for the holiday. During the exam, I met my old friends, who were the examiners too that I haven't met for a long long time.

Another exam to go which was CUCMS final year students. The students were some sort special to me and Dr Hafiza because this batch of students, both of us involved in teaching them since they were in the 3rd year, early clinical year. They came back to have teaching with me during their fifth year and could see their maturation in their training. Some of them were doing better than the others but generally, all of them improved a lot. I really have a very high hope that all of them will make it through the exam. I warned them many times to do their very best for the coming exam because I could see that they have the potential but very playful. I wanted them to take the exam seriously. During the final weeks, before their exam, I made the point to teach them despite of having difficulty with my knee injury. During the exam, I was paired with AP Dr Jamil who is my old school mate when we were in UKM before. We did not see each other since we graduated. It was fun to see my friend again. Many things we talked about. He is a psychiatrist now in HUSM. During the exam, I could she my students were in the great distress. They looked panic but calm. Some of them required many prompting questions to get the correct answers. They knew the answer but just couldn't say it out. I could see the frustration on their face when they couldn't answer the questions. I guess they don't want to disappoint me as their teacher. But thank GOD, all of them made it. All of them passed their exam. I hope they can become a good and successful doctors in the future. As a teacher, I shared their happiness.

That evening, after the CUCMS final exam, I got a phone call from my daughter, Iya. She was crying and kept saying that she disappointed me. She failed one of the exam paper that she had to reseat the paper in 3 weeks time. She passed the rest of the papers. She cried to the lecturer, Prof Hamid and asked him for his advice. For everyone information, Prof Hamid was my teacher when I was in the medical school in UKM and now he is teaching my daughter. He told her to calm down and try to study for the next reseat paper. I also told her the same thing. There was useless to look back to the result because it wasn't going to change the result anyway. What she needs to do is to prepare for the next exam. I know it is a great pressure for her because the expectation of the lecturers and her ibu's friends if she fail her exam. Everyone know that she is a daughter of mine. She wanted to show to me that she could do it but she failed. As for me, I know the terrible feeling that Iya has to go through. I hope she can learn from her mistake if there is any and try to be better next time and more focus. Medic is not easy especially if you want to be a good doctor. Failing in medical school is a common thing but don't make it as a must. Iya asked me whether I failed my exam during my medical school day?. The answer is yes, once, the pharmacology paper during end first semester exam due to cultural shock being in the medical school trying to remember too many drugs but I recovered very well once I knew how to study medicine. Since then I was doing OK in all the exams including professional exam. What I learned is that, you have to slow down on your social life a little bit and study more. "Bersusah susah dahulu bersenang senang kemudian". Don't miss the class. Be friend with your lecturers. Always ask their advice. Form a study group consisting friends that you are comfortable with and don't listen to the voices that wanted you to loose your concentration. Whatever you do, do it for yourself and not for anyone else. Don't waste government and your parents money and effort. Most of all, you can asked me if you need to.

Love your parents deeply without prejudice

When I was small, I used to follow my dad everywhere. I don't need to go to kindergarten. My childhood life filled with activities with my friends, siblings and of course my dad. No worries. If my Dad went to work in the paddy field, I will be helping him, not really helping actually because I was too small to give him a hand. What I did was giving him more problems. My Dad had to take care of me, scared that I will go to the river or to the nearby parit and got myself drowned. My dad won't allow me to use cangkul or anything sharp. So, he will make me a modified cangkul from a small tree, just look like a hockey stick to keep me busy in the pool of mud. I followed what he did. When he swing his cangkul, I will swing my hockey stick. He never get tired to attend to my stupid questions. He never scolded me or lay hand on me even when I was naughty. At noon, my mum will bring food for us. Before we had our lunch, my dad took me to the nearby parit. The water was crystal clear and cold. I could see some fishes swimming up and down the parit. He bathed me as well as cleaned himself. After that I waited for my dad to perform his prayer. Normally by that time my stomach was singing a keroncong song. I was so hungry but patiently I waited for my dad to finish his prayer. My mum left the food on the platform under the small hut in the middle of the paddy field where my dad and I normally took a rest or had a short nap. She could not wait because she had to go back home. My house was about 25 minutes walk from the paddy field. As a father, my dad fed me first. I knew he must be very hungry like me but to him I guess, I was the top priorities. Actually, I did a lot of activities with my dad. He never say no to my request. Of course, he will turn me down if I asked something beyond his capability. I still remember when I cried and wanted him to buy me a toy gun. He told me that it was a waste of money. I insisted to have the gun. Instead of turning me down completely, he made me one, a wooden gun complete with the bullet. I was so happy. I don't really care about the price as long as I have the gun. He taught me a lot about life and how to survive. He shared his valuable experiences. He loves to tell stories about our beloved prophet Nabi Muhammad SAW. We came from a very poor family but my Dad and mum believed that education is the most important element to change your life with brighter future. Good halal food and education are the most priorities. My Mum and dad worked so hard to bring up all 9 of us and instilled good values in our heart. They taught us the importance of strong family ties. Respect each other no matter how or when especially to your big brothers and sisters as well as our elderly. All of us were taught to be a strong Islamic believer. My parents showed us an excellent example by turning our family into a very respectful family now from such a poor family that everyone looked down on us. We don't take revenge. What we need to do is to show our gratefulness by helping others who are in need. "Harta bukan milik mu, milik mu hanya rezeki. Terkurang himpun lagi, terlebih memberilah". I always remember these phrases. They have a beautiful and hidden meanings, the way I see it.

My parents showed us that nothing is impossible to be achieved as long as you believe in yourself and at the same time not to forget our duty to the all mighty lord, Allah SWT. Always ask for HIS guidance and blessing. My dad always stress on us many times not to forget the ground where you stand. The higher you go, the humble you become. "Jangan sesekali berasa bangga dan riak kerana ia adalah perangai syaitan yang akan menyesatkan kita". He reminded us to maintain our eastern values as well as the original adab melayu. As far as our parents are concerned, they have sacrificed their youth and life for all of us. No doubt, it is their duty to give us education, food, clothes, shelters and love but we will never be able to repay them for everything that they have done for us. Never. Of course, both of them are not "maksum". They could not run away from making mistakes in their life that might affect us to a certain extend, but whatever it is, we have all the love that every children ever wanted. We should love our parents to the deepest of our heart and take care of them till the end of their life. We should be there for them always in whatever situations. Jangan ada sebesar zarah kekesalan atau pun kepayahan in taking care of our dearest parents. That the only minute thing that you can do for them in return of what they have done for you.

Doctor as a patient

My doctors fellow used to say that medical personnels especially doctors are the worse patients that you can have. They normally don't listen to your advise. They have their own way to carry out your instructions. They alter your treatment. They have poor compliance to medications. I do agree and disagree. Not all of us like that. Yesterday, I had a F/U with the doctor for my unhappy triad injury of my left knee. He was quite surprise to see the improvement of my knee comparing with the first time he saw about 2 and a half week ago as well as comparing with the MRI findings. The pain in my knee was almost gone and the range of movement of my knee also was so much better. There was very minimal effusion left. I was very happy. He complimented me for following his advise strictly. He said to me,"If all my patients are like you Dr.Norra, my job will be easier". My daughter, Ana looked at me and add on, "she is a good patient". I told the doctor that I will definitely follow his advise because I want to get better faster and back to my feet again. With my daughters help, I put ice on the injured knee frequently, not to step on the leg at all. I used wheelchair, crutches and walking frame whichever more comfortable and easier until I developed pain in my shoulders and wrists in supporting my left leg. I went for regular physiotherapy and continue to do it at home. Puan Misnah is so kind to teach me a few exercises that I can do at home. I am really scared if the doctor has to do surgery on my knee. Now, I am not worry anymore after the doctor told me that if I am doing well, there will be no indication for surgery. He advised me not to weight bear for 3 more weeks before I can try to partially weight bear. Earlier, a few of my students who have experienced the same injury were giving me advise and their experiences and it does help to reduce my anxiety. We still can learn from our students, no harm. I can see that they are able to walk normally now without surgery. But of course they are young. The healing process is good. I am not saying that I am old but I am very much older than them.....Anyway, I am happy with myself. I will continue to exercise at home in order to strengthen my muscles so that I can walk again. I didn't take any pain killer for my injury. Therefore, not all doctors are difficult patient....

Life and faith

I grown up in the family full of love and happiness. I have 4 brothers who are always there for me, 2 elder sisters thats so kind and caring and 2 youngest sisters that always make me feel needed all the time. No doubt at this age, when all of us have grown up and have our own life, we do have misunderstandings once in a while or arguments, but when it come to making decision that related to the family matters, we are together. We put our differences aside. Of course we are free to say our views and opinions, we make the decision what is the best together. My mum and dad taught all of us to respect our eldest especially our brothers in whatever situation. All of us play our own roles. We don't really care who contributed most to the family. Who has more insight, time, money and think that you can do more than others, go ahead and the rest will acknowledge it accordingly. The question of "why it always me to do this" never arise because everyone know their responsibilities to the family. I guess my dad taught me well. I don't look back. Pass is pass. I always looking forward to the future. The only thing that I look back is to learn from the pass mistake so that there will be no same mistake. The only thing lacking in the teaching from my mom was how to find a good husband or wife I guess. All these we need to learn ourself and decide. My beloved mun and dad used to say, "we don't really care who you choose to be your husband or wife, as long as you feel that he or she is the best for you. We also don't care what colour or what race or from which state as long as he or she is a good muslim and can lead you". Kamu yang nak melayarkan bahtera, carilah nakhoda yang sesuai agar tidak tenggelam di kemudian hari. Well, there is a truth in it.

Most of us have our dream girl or guy to be our our lifelong partner. We normally will set a fairly high standard of a person that we want to be with. That's normal because we should love ourself more and give ourself a almost perfect man or girl in many ways. I think this is very important because if you set so low standard, it is easily achievable and you wont be happy. You have to value yourself and of course, you deserve a better person. Life partners is for lifelong. Most of us wanted the best for ourself because we value ourself very high and we should. But, in many circumstances, we cannot get 100% perfection of our choice. We fail to find someone that can fulfill all the criterias that we have set, 85% achievement will be fine. Even with this, occasionally after we make our commitment, we still fail. The life partner become a short one. The failure of making this important choice could have happened due to wrong assessment and judgement, too short time to evaluate the character of a person, changes that occur after being influenced by people around them. No matter how careful you make that choice, occasionally many people fail but of course the percentage of failure will be low compared to those who couldn't care less to make a choice. Probably the choice that we have made at that particular time was the best for us, but after so many years, we realized that the choice was a wrong choice. As muslim we have to believe in takdir. Ketentuan tuhan. God advice us to use our wise judgement to lead our life and follow the right patch. There are two words that we have to remember "tadbir and takdir". We tadbir our life according to our wisdom, intellegent, knowledge and experience but we have to accept "takdir" that determined by almighty GOD, Allah SWT. When we know this, than timbul lah perkataan "redha" if anything happen along the way, not the way you want it to be, we have to accept it with an open heart because we know GOD knows what is the best for you. You can get back to HIM and ask for HIS forgiveness and guidance because HE is always there for you. Occasionally, some people do say that they "redha" on what had happened to them but their action showed a different things where they developed "dendam dan prasangka dan lain-lain perasaan yang negatif". Kita perlu mengajar diri kita supaya lebih banyak bersabar kerana sebagai insan kita hanya merancang dengan kemas which is "tadbir" tetapi yang menentukan adalah tuhan yang maha pengasih lagi penyayang which is "takdir". Just think about it........

Unexpected injury - you can't really predict it.

We know injury or accident can happen to anyone at any time. You can't predict it unless you are intended to harm yourself. It happened to me last weekend on Saturday. It was a terrible accident. My routine during weekend is to bathe my dad because my elder sister has done those duties during week day. Normally my husband will help me to bathe him and I will prepare breakfast for everyone. Last Saturday morning, the day that we were going to have 40 days kenduri tahlil for my beloved mum, at 9am to be exact, my maid and I carried him to the wheelchair and I pushed him to the bathroom. It took me a little bit longer because my Dad decided to pass motion. I waited. After that I cleaned him up. When everything completed, I wheeled him out to the room, dried him with towel and my maid put powder on his body. What I normally do, I will make sure that the water dripping from the wheelchair to be wiped by my maid but that morning I didn't remember to ask my maid to do it. She offered herself to carry my Dad to another wheelchair to put his pampers but I said I could do it myself like I always did. When I just about to transfer him to the other wheelchair I could feel that my left leg slipped to the side which I couldn't control it anymore. Of course, I could not let my dad go, it will be disaster if I did so, so slowly both of us fall down and my dad fall on me without injury except he sustained a small laceration on his right hand. I experienced severe pain in my left knee followed by a click. I screamed my lungs out until I waken up everyone in the house. I was crying due to the severe pain and also due to the frustration and carelessness that I have done. I was in severe pain and my Dad was beside me trying to calm me down. Massaging my knee. His action even make me so sad. My maid called my sister Dek Anor to help to lift up my dad to the wheelchair. I tried to stand up but my knee was giving away and I fall again. I was panic. I stood up again but the same thing happen. Ohhh no!!! I am doom. I couldn't walk. I never given up and I tried again but again I almost fall down. My sister had to get me a wheelchair. a wheelchair that my late mother sit and had her last breath. That situation really make me sad and I cried non stop. My left knee was swollen. My sister advise me to go to the hospital for check-up.

My daughter, Ana drove me to the ED Hospital Serdang. For the first time, I have to allow her to drive and surprisingly she drove well and very careful, full of tension, I guess. On the way to the hospital, I called the orthopedic surgeon on-call, Mr. Maher and asked for his help to assess the injury that I had to my knee.

In ED, they did a good job. Dr.Fahmi, my former HO was there and wheeled me to the observation cubicle. Thanks to all the staffs in ED that attended to me on that day. Everything went smoothly. Well, I was a good patient too. Mr. Maher came and examined my knee. I was suspected to have ACL injury. I still remember my orthopedic knowledge and I know ACL injury was pretty serious. I still hoping that it won't be so serious. Now, I am an OKU, partially. I hope it wont be long. I need to go to work. I am bored. Mungkin ada hikmahnya juga,.....................always look at it positively.

Now I partially dependent on people. I feel everything is so slow. Ana and Iya have to take care of me now temporarily. I still can do many things but my movement is so limited because I need to use wheelchair in the house. I use crutches sometimes but too tiring. Give me a shoulder pain. Huge bandage on my left knee. Tomorrow is the F/U in the clinic. I hope this bandage can be removed.......counting the days...